Friday, September 12, 2008

If I had my way, I'd burn this whole building down.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: (nothing has changed. I do not write by navigating song/poetry lyrics.)
My cell phone had been sketchy on the battery since wheeling so I'd been keeping it off, mostly to avoid the beeping but also so I'd be able to call my parents. I called them as always and tried to charge it but without the expected result. Usually, there is a screen that says "charging" and a picture of a rhino. (a lie)
Anyhow, I'm back in Columbus. Rejoice.

Awesome things I've done since getting back:
Made an old-fashioned. (finally)
Made a Caesar salad in the dark and with chicken. (pre-cut-and-cooked, thank-God)
Threw away two and 1/8 sticks of unfrozen butter, 1/4 jar mayonnaise, two trays not-ice, 3 slices American cheese, and a tub of freezer defrostings.
Mopped.
Put away milk, eggs, 1 pound chipped corned beef, 5 cups fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt, 2 tomatoes, more butter, kielbasa and a new pitcher of warm but filtered water.
Drank an old-fashioned on the porch.
Ate the cherries.
Showered.
Unpacked. Just unpacked. I even unpacked some of the stuff that was already put away in my apartment.


Totally excellent things I'm looking forward to doing after I finish blogging:
Calling the electric company and yelling a lot at someone unconnected to me or the recent difficulties I'm experiencing.
Buying candles.
Not thinking about hot wax and it's manifold applications. (Just two really.)
Writing several commentaries on the overrated nature of air conditioning, television, and nuclear power.
Building a dynamo.
Being afraid to fall asleep.
Reading by candlelight.
Sweating.
Missing gas-powered fire devices.
Eating as much yogurt and peanut butter cap'n crunch as possible.


Assumptions:
Food eaten is inherently better than food wasted.
The power isn't out in my apartment/block.
My landlord didn't turn off the power in my apartment to prevent a fire or some other bullshit.1
I will never get tired of pooping in the dark.
I have no use for a cooler other than the fact that my refrigerator is not working and it could hold more ice than my fridge, serving as a possible and consistent supply line for old-fashioneds.

Unknown Assumptions (previously understood as givens):
[Giant Eagle has] many inexpensive candles that will replace the pot brownie-ish smell in my apartment.
Yogurt takes a while to become cottage cheese.
Ice is inexpensive.

1 Re: Bullshit- I called my landlord and asked him to fix the lock on my mailbox because it wouldn't close. Every mailbox but mine is now fixed. And there are springs and clips and a box for a riveter outside my door. (also by the mailbox) Yeah. Am I being told to fix this myself? I think there's something in my lease about altering my apartment and this isn't even in my apartment.

Title, by the way, is from Samson and Delilah, which lends it's title and lyrics to a Sarah Conner Chronicles ep. I watched. It was ok. Lots of things that are and aren't. The male lead's (John Conner) relationship with the female leads are that of son-mother (his mother is Sarah Conner, played by Lena Headey from 300) and ward-guardian. (he has a robot protector played by Summer Glau from Serenity/Firefly and my dreams) These are desexualized roles at least with regards to the male lead. Neither his mother or his robot protector are going to foster a romance with John Conner,1 so the writers are free to develop those characters around non-romantic expectations. Which would be awesome and is what I've always wanted in science-fiction, but there are sci-fi expectation, a big one being time travel in the terminator series. For instance, if they're killing the people who invent skynet, then they're uninventing one of their characters, and the means through which they travel back in time.
Also, as far as resources are concerned: Time travel must be really easy. I mean, sure, there are a lot of terminators in the past, and a lot of humans from the future apparently. And to an extent this makes sense. If time travel machines run on solar power or something like a dog on a treadmill, then send as many robots or soldiers as you can spare. It especially makes sense for skynet to invade the past as it is apparently impossible to find John Conner in the future where the rest of the humans are dead and there are a lot of robots.
But sure, psychologically it's great. It's nice seeing FBI guy look crazy. It's nice seeing people live off the grid through a main stream venue.
It's bullshit they have cell phones.
1 /me in my quest to interpret everything as first-person prescriptive. Or at least everything with Everyman heroes in common settings aspiring to uncommon goals while simultaneously rejecting the fate that beautiful women have told them they're bound to

1 comment:

popquizkid said...

I was going to comment but then I saw you added some stuff, and then I just didn't feel comfortable with it. But I will say, I do need ice.

Oh, and one question still stands: so is your electric off or on? I still can't tell. Maybe it was off, but back on when you got home? Or off for just you, but on for the rest of your building? Or maybe your refrigerator was the only appliance that was off? But then why would you be pooping in the dark? (Maybe just preference?) Anyway.