Thursday, July 31, 2008


I woke up with this in my head and I don't know whether to develop it more it/see how long I can keep it up or just post it as "funny" but, you know, time eats things from your brain:
I need my moisture-bar/light-saber to fight dry skin/the Sith and restore water/balance to the stratum corneum/Force. (edit:Aug 6, 08- I watched a force unleashed promotional today. Looks like fun)

My roommate in high school moisturized. Cocoa butter, as well as, (on top of) Vaseline Intensive Care Moisturizer, the large bottle, with the push-down spout. I, you know, admire his strength, or conviction, or something. Having moisturizer, without the requisite poster of Tyra Banks or Yasmine Bleeth or a black-and-white photo of two women you didn't know making out on a bed was basically admitting, "I jack off when you're not here" to anyone who came in our room. Ez and I, of course, had extensive discussions about his dry skin. I was cool with it. Sure man, whatever. It's not, like, an elephant in the room at all. Semper Fi, Mac.

You remember Singled Out? There's only one authentic episode on Youtube. The rest are UK Channel 5 recordings. Maybe there're some episodes on Hulu.* I started looking for more and I found this: Singled Out: Blah-Blah-Blah--a new -ism to discuss--Blah! So. The reviews are funny. I don't think I'd read the book. The reviews, I suppose, make a case against it's purchase. By reading it in public, I am at risk of being perceived as single, which in case you didn't know, means over-sexed, sad, miserable, lonely, self-centered, and (as a man) messy and likely to rape the first unsupervised child or woman that comes around. And I really can't handle that. It's summer, I want to read in the sun. I bought a hat specifically for these occasions, I'm not going to buy a book just to render that hat obsolete.** I do think it's great that I have another stereotype to stammer around.

Over-sexed is a funny word. (Funny=Strange, Funny=/=Laugh) Kenning? Hyphenated thing. In the past six months I've seen it used to describe the portrayal of black men in films, heard it used to describe a Muslim man's perception of Muslim women, and now I'm seeing it again, describing a very broad group of ~M. (M is Married) Typically, I'd spin this off into a graphical representation, but I think I need to know what old married Eurasian men think the baseline of sexuality is before I parody it. Research...

On the subject of purchases, I called my mom the other day to talk about dry skin.*** She recommended, you guessed it, the Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion. I bought Vaseline deep conditioning body lotion with cocoa butter, which came with a little bottle of intensive rescue moisture locking lotion,**** along with some apples and Mike-Sells Salt & Pepper potato chips, at the self-check-out. I wonder what Ez would have bought, or if he's found some eternal moisture font. Perhaps he only ever needed to change his diet and now he enjoys days free of fear from perspiration and showers.

*There aren't any.
**I have other books, and especially not this hat.
***My mother's been on a cruise with my sister and my grandparents and her sisters. (my aunts, whatever(she grew up with four sisters. I call them "her sisters" as consistently as possible solely in recognition of that)) She got back yesterday. I called her while she was sleeping. Conversation with almost-lucid-mom is awesome. She described her flesh peeling, bubbling even, as a result of the no-fluid policy. I think I would only have gotten, my skin peeled, if she been more awake. It's possible the peeling/bubbling was really uncanny.
****no caps on small bottle. Perhaps caps are put too much pressure on the intensive rescue lotion? Conversely, maybe it is such a cool and collected rescue lotion it didn't care about the capitalization fiasco, as a much more pricey, perhaps Suisse, lotion would, and instead said, whatever, i got skin to save...

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