last day of workshop reactions

1. Today was my last day of Creative Non-Fiction

2. I need some sort of coffee negator. Pizza does not pile on top of coffee well. Egg sandwich yesterday did not work so well either. The fruit was good. Maybe I'll buy more fruit.

a.Fruit is expensive.
*so is pizza, but pizza and coffee consumption overlap is rare.
b.FiberOne bars seemed to work well. Were also yummy, though inferior to fruit-yum.
*added bonus of scheduled poo.
c.perhaps a fruit/fiber bar compromise is in order.

3. The date on the manuscript/story/essay/piece I handed in was 08.10.08.

a. clearly not August, according to recent conversations about national holiday/celebrations observing n.h, computer and paper calendars, etc.
*perhaps some obscure reference?
-nothing interesting happened specifically on 08.10.08 in 1008, and even I wouldn't have suggested something more obscure than that (i.e. 1908, 1808, 1708, et cetera).
-and what's the point of a time travel reference when I'm talking about the past?
i. Actually that makes a lot of sense
ii. and I did it on purpose
iii. and will always act like I meant to do it on purpose
iv. and admit that I am a liar.
b. I have no idea what month it is.
*it's a miracle I showed up at CNF at all.
*the numeric date system is archaic/for computers and a pain in the ass/the first sign of their takeover.
-The only reason second star didn't get it's own letter is because I'm afraid of being shipped off to Chiron Beta Prime before Christmas.

4. This is my last writing workshop at tOSU.

a. barring some catastrophe in the "failure to graduate in a timely fashion/communicate the requirements to graduate clearly' department
*it's the "failure to communicate the requirements to graduate clearly" department.
*no, it's the "failure to graduate in a timely fashion" department.
-ass.
b. I've been (over) compensating for this for three months now.
*fictioneers' club
*writing like crazy
*no more video games
*own apartment
c. but I'm still not trying to publish.
*granted, as far as I can tell, this is the doldrums of reading time.
*I should submit to the novella contest in october.
-it'd be nice if writing paid the rent.
i. lol

5. More than anything, this class has taught me to run for humor, rather than grope around blindly for it.

a. if that looks like a metaphor for gender relations, it's probably just because of the word "grope."
*I wouldn't want to reinforce those classic stereotypes like:
-men should pursue women
i. as opposed to "women should pursue men" or "women should pursue men as well."
-sex should happen in the dark.
i. with blindfolds on.
-sexual preference is analogous to sense of humor.
i. acquired mostly over time
ii. somewhat influenced by parents
iii. primarily controlled by media/mitigated by choice of media.

6.and lots of people have lots of different things to talk about.

other things under my skin.

Creepy Neighbot
I have a neighbot that's staring into my window. The gray-haired, gut-hanging-out-the-bottom-of-his-shirt, me-in-fifteen-years type. Maybe future-me is here to spy on present-me and make sure I'm keeping my shit in order and not bleeding out from stupid self-inflicted injuries.* But honestly? I would never stop caring about my appearance so much to walk around with my stomach hanging out. I hope if I ever outgrow my favorite t-shirts, I'll simply give them to goodwill.** And go on a diet. And even if I refused to ship my favorite shirts out, I suspect I'd layer with a longer shirt.
Fat bellied etiquette aside, layering tees lets the bottom shirt catch the sweat in the summer so you don't ruin your nice shirts. Even your nice t-shirts.*** I hope neighbot reads this. I'm only 40% angry that he's violating my privacy. The other 60% of my misdirected disdain is over his repulsiveness.**** That really shoots the future-me theory in the foot. He should know this shit and have it processed and internalized, as I've/he's written about it. Maybe he's beginning to understand my feelings right now. Maybe whenever I yell at him from the stoop to cut the shit I'll violate some time/mind continuum law and the universe will implode.

It'll be worth it.

Brilliant
"By Jove, I've had an idea."
-"Well, spit it out man."
"Well everyone's complaining about the water of death. Their soap won't lather and their shampoo won't really ever come out of their hair and whenever they step out of the shower their skin is so dry it falls off in sheets."
-"Yes, I understand it's a problem in the western territories."
"Instead of calling it 'water of death,' I think we're going to start referring to it as 'hard water.' That way, people won't be sure if they actually have it and it won't sound so intimidating."
-"Capital idea."
"Hmm, yes. I think we could also make some restaurants, and get rid of the service aspect entirely, and call it 'fast food."
-"Brilliant!"

Shopping List
1. Chicken (Miller Chicken Breast, 6.49. Purdue was roughly two dollars cheaper. But the Miller packaging said "Antibiotic-free" so big. And does that mean cage free too? Maybe free range? Happy chicken corpses for two more dollars sounds fair)
2. Can Opener *x5 (8.29!)
3. Hot Sauce (Frank's Red Hot (2.69) 12oz)
4. Elbow Mac (Heartland Rotini (1.50)instead. Rachael Ray said use Elbow Mac, but whatever...)
5. Carrots and Celery ("Mini carrots" -1.00 Celery -1.99)
6. Soup (Chunky is "on sale" at 1.79. I bought three cans (.79)of chicken and rice****** and treated myself to two cans of split pea and ham. Interesting phenomenon: Fully Loaded. I remember whenever Chunky soup was just a non-condensed form of premium cambpell's. What the fuck?)
7. Eggs (half dozen. .99. I have a skillet now. I should make breakfast some day. Still haven't secured a toaster oven...)
8. Veggie Nugs (Morningstar Chicken Nuggets are 4.49. What an extravagance! I guess if I ever go Veggie, I have to go Vegan.)
9. Pizza Rolls (Tostino's Cheese- 1.29 A much fairer price for the luxury of instameals)
10. Sweet, Sweet Coffee (Also, why are Dunkin' Donuts coffee beans expensive now? (8.79) I mean, I'll buy any coffee that's good and not paying tithe to Israel, but if you can do it for six dollars, do it for six dollars...)
11. Shredded Mozzarella (2 bags of Kroger brand Moz.- 5.00)
12. Non-dairy creamer (D'OH!)
13. Diced Tomatoes (2 cans Kb Mexican Style- 1.22)
Unplanned Purchases: Kb Singles (1.67- Skillet means grilled cheese), Kb Black Bean (.61), Kb Vidalia Onion (.72).

State got .56 cents for the can opener, which was very honest of Kroeger.
Kroeger got 55.39.
I got home and cut up the chicken, threw it in the pot with some olive oil and cajun seasoning.******* I chopped up the carrots, onion, and celery, and threw all that into the bottom of the slow cooker...crock. Once the chicken was done I dumped that in there too, along with those two cans of diced tomatoes and a liberal shot *x8 of hot sauce. Heated up the slow cooker and boiled the rotini, mixed them together with a half bag of moz.
Waited twenty minutes.
Got it in me.

And that feels good.

*and superficial
**except for my "scud" shirt. It's a collector's item. holes and all.
***someday I'll look through my various receipts and figure out just how many bicycles I could have bought if I'd opted to buy plain white undershirts and dress shirts instead of a cavalcade of punny Hanes beefy tees. Then I can finally get my "Dumb Ass" tattoo. I'll have earned it.
**** Arbitrary percentages. While I do have an alembic and a calcinator for distilling and measuring the various point of origins in any emotion, Brain Spickets are notoriously difficult to use, and I wouldn't use one without an assistant. I need a Rosenfeld-Chagall.
***** and thank God I remembered that one.
****** Campbell's condensed. Sorry Chunky, a buck is a book of papers/ bottle of soda/ ten sheets of copied paper. And don't tell me it's not all going to the same place. You're just worried about messing up your intercorp competition numbers.
******* Both of which were Kroeger Brand (Kb). They said they'd give me free groceries, what do you want?
******** half the bottle

four legs good.

in other news: my cat is pulling my clothing into her water bowl. I have no suppositions as to what's brought on her passive aggressive tactics. It's possible this is just her particular pathology. Before I bought a covered litter box, she would drag plastic bags, shorts, whatever was available into her litter box. I don't understand. I tell her "Indy I don't get you" but as far as I can tell, Indy is content to be a mystery to all but herself. Sneaky. Underhanded.

Blargh. Have to work. Blah blah blah. No meat man at the store. Blah blah blah. Come home next week, k? Blah blabbidy blah. Love you too, k bye.
Blargh.

Prince told me to...

So I went a little bit crazy today.


I think everyone should.





The chimps. Apparently they have cuisine and medicine now.


Other primates having tools ruined being human for me.

If they start writing and painting



I'm finished


A popular chimp dish is a fruit mash. It looked good.



I bought fruit.

Yes.

I thought I was the last person to get on the PJ Harvey band wagon (I am.) but this video is awesome. And my fanatic (ex-)roommates haven't seen it.

Someday, I want to be able to do this. Distill brilliance into media. I'll spoon it into everyone's gaping mouth as they stare in disbelief.

Talking to myself/Flowers on the Wall

"RM w/a VW" continues the popular "Moving in with Elliot" Series. Today Elliot unpacks his five boxes and one open container full of books into an unorthodox, and yet popular, filing method.
Intrigued? Then stay tuned.
[Elliot gets his laundry out of the on-site dryer. Yes, there's a washer too. Don't be envious. It has a centipede. Maybe more.]
"I really admire John Dewey. The whole Dewey Decimal system. What an undertaking! I don't mean to imply that I'm an authority on all bibliotechnical things. For instance, I couldn't address how much flexibility there is in this system of his, but trying to do it myself makes me feel comparatively primitive.
"My approach has it's constrictions of course. I have no book shelves. So I've thrown alphabetical order out the window in favor of book width. And since floor space remains limited, I'm using a fairly broad definition of "non-fiction." I mean, I think we'll all agree that Louise Menand's The Metaphysical Club is non-fiction, but what about philosophy? I have The Prolegemana, Berkely's Hylas and Philonous Dialogues, Descartes' First Philosophy, and Locke's Second Treatise of Government all in the same pile. I don't think that simply saying one is non-fiction makes the rest are fiction, but you know how it is, contradiction is inevitable."
"The other piles are vain. One is books I've read. The other is books I intend to read. That short one is books it's been strongly suggested I read."
"A copy of the book was bought for me at the nearest acceptable occasion. I will never read those books. "
"The books that aren't filed are either a) comics or b) text books. As I was saying, I'm disappointed with this method, it's inflexible but it's aestheically appealling. Call it a series of vain indulgences. It'd be a different type of indulgence to buy a bookshelf. And I'd never be able to move the size of bookshelf I need. Though I suppose I could use my filing system on a series of small bookshelfs."

"Yes, I suppose that doesn't get us anywhere."

Oh, I'm gonna make it do what it do baby.

Completely moved out.
Completely, of course, does not include 1. A small fan.
2. A grill.
3. A pastel drawing of a lizard and an ant.

Otherwise, we're golden. It's very quiet here, so I opened the window and I can hear the drunks walking to and from Sloopy's or Miani's or Chachkey's or whatever it is this week.

Indy is laying down exactly behind me. Scratch that.

EVERYONE - My cat can read. She wants to make me into a falsifier of information. And in the most passive aggressive way. She's rubbing my legs now. What an underhanded sneak.

Also, I've been to the supermarket twice today. In an effort to stop living out of Taco Bells, I figured out three easy meals I could make out of one pot...
one pot...
I have no skillet. No sauce pan. No double-pot vegetable steamer thing.
I have a slow cooker and a french press and a casserole dish.

And a pot.

SO I bought coffee and stuff for mashed potatoes and was creeped out boiling water on an electric range and guess what. I don't have any cleaning supplies. Now I do, and a belly full of carbs and some bubble bath. I'm going to edit and then take a (well-deserved god damnit) bath.