There may be more than one way to skin a cat, but there is a single way to comb one out: The Exchange of Pain.
The Best in Communication:
Answering Machine Message: Hey baby, you want some sausage? Well that's too bad. The sausage is out and you're gonna hafta settle for the beep.
Out-of-context Text Message: So I'm screening my calls and if you want to talk to me or hang out you need to e-mail me before.
General Catch-All Question: (2 years running) What the Fuck?