Saturday, August 9, 2008

Intolerable Bedroom Conduct: A Laptop Blog

It's summer. I realize that makes my late-night ranting somewhat inappropriate. You may even ask what's the point "organizing" a series of thoughts about beds when most, if not all, of us are finding the slimmest sheet we own that wasn't directly involved in the bed-making process, laying down on top of our fixed beds, and sweating it out in two-hour bouts until getting out of bed seems reasonable.
But that's just my point, and you would know that if you'd actually read this instead of just jumping to some thematic conclusions based on a misleading title. What is the point of making/messing the bed in the first place? You know what's under a comforter? A mattress, a fitted sheet, a flat sheet, a blanket, and some pillows. Awesome. I want to sleep in that.
So my question is either a) why is there a comforter?
or b) why is there a blanket? a comforter is a puffy blanket, isn't it?
But as far as questions of practicality go, because the only people I know that actually do this are my Sitto and the Marriott, "why is the blanket that they insist on putting under the comforter the worst blanket in the world?"
It's cotton-, maybe wool-, sandpaper, with a silk lining and no matter how many flat or fitted sheets are there, it's slicing my flesh. No matter how conditioned the room's air is, a comforter and a blanket is too much.
Is it just to justify an extenive housekeeping force. Is Marriott training an army to sanitize the nation?* I would like some notice. I have specific requests re: my oven range. Also, if they're fixing beds, please, no comforter.

*Housekeeping Army: No Comforters. No Placation!


popquizkid said...

The thing I hate about comforters is that they are never comfortable. They slip and slide on top of the flat sheet. They are never cuddle-able. You can't cuddle a comforter. Blankets and quilts are highly cuddle-able.

Oh, and the whole blanket + horrible polyester comforter hotel/motel problem. Argh! I hate it. I mean, I can handle flat pillows OR said blanket/comforter problem, but not BOTH flat pillows and blanket/comforter! It is about balance.

I also hate that the Housekeeping Army insists on tucking in the flat sheet AND the blanket so far under the mattress that it is virtually impossible to pull it out. I cannot sleep with trapped feet.

misanthropic bastard said...

and you know, PQ1000, I don't think anyone can sleep in those made, maybe even over-made, beds. Typically, I'd say it was hotel management making unfair demands of their staff so they can create some "mom wuz here" impression, but I think the Housekeeping Army and their vertical infiltration of the hospitality industry is a much fairer interpretation.

Incidentally, I've gotten a lot of use out of a flannel cover for a fake-satin comforter.*,** In the summer, though, it is mostly aesthetic, as previously stipulated.
*fake-satin is actually "sateen."
**flannel is awesome. I'm considering a career in deforestation.

popquizkid said...

One word (or several) of warning: do not wear flannel pajamas at the same time your bed is wearing flannel sheets. Results include: maddening frustration, thrashing about, and eventually, a change of pajamas.